I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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