he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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