I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
