I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize