I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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