So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
