Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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