My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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