I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
