can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize