So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
