First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
