talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
