Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Randomize
