just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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