There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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