no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
