you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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