Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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