C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
no, he came in my armpit
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
