Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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