Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
