the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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