Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
