Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
