I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
