Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
