We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize