i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
