nut hugger
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
