It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize