just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Randomize
