he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
