four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
