i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
