Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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