I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
