he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
