Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
