For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
