if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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