operation have a gay friend backfired
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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