I want to walk on stilts...naked
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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