I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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