If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
