I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
All I want is dick and wine.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
