We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize