I must be too annoying 4 u.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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