Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
