When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
