Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Sorry about my life...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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