I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
