What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
We're too hungover to prance.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
