I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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