It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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