lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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