She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize