How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
