This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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