Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
