Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
