i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
