I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
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