Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
