Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
