He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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