I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
