we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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