i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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