i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize