he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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